Back in 2003 when Ethan and I sat down to watch the show we never expected it to define so much of our lives. Today we finally sat down to watch the final episode I had been deliberately putting off for almost a month as I knew the tears would be flowing. This show has been somewhat of a soundtrack to our 20’s and it draws to an end, so do our 20’s.

As I look back at we started watching the basic drama it grew into somewhat of a comfort through it all. It gave us laughter and helped me shed tears as I was trying on make up for our wedding. The characters were there as I grew from a teenager into a woman. They helped me define my style a bit, opened my eyes to a bunch of music I never would have listened to and most of all their words gave meaning, direction and comfort when I needed it most. The feelings of joy as Payton met Lucas at the airport. The shock of the limo going off the bridge. The sadness of Brooke yearning to be a mother, but not being able to. All moments in these character’s lives but carefully placed words and songs that related to our lives.

So as I continue to dream of the future I will have I hold onto their words of wisdom and say “thank you” as your words will continue to carry me through while I hope for my wish…motherhood.


16 and Pregnant

Today has been a day with teenage pregnancy all over the place. This morning the radio had a discussion about this teen who is 15 and her mother is insisting that she keep the baby but the father’s mother would like to sign over his rights so they were trying to figure out if it is possible for him not to be a part of the babies life because they would like to give the baby up for adoption. My heart broke for this girl who is being pushed to keep the baby at 16. From working at a childcare center for teen parents during high school I saw several teens keep the baby expecting help from their parents but then once the baby arrives the parents expect the teen to raise the baby. I am sad for her, but I also know that if this teen want to really do this, she can. It will be hard, but she can. It sounds to me that she hasn’t learned about the options in open adoption and I hope that she does all the research she can to make a fully informed decision and find support for whatever direction she may want to go.

Then this evening I’ve been watching 16 and Pregnant. I had a hard time watching her try to add up the costs of things she’ll need. She kept saying she’d need a bassinet and a crib and then forgot the car seat. It was such an obvious sign of how much she has to learn. I’m sure she can learn it but i just felt like I wanted to sit down with her and say…”you don’t need a bassinet because you’ll have a crib and a car seat is very important.” I hope she does okay but I just felt like she needed guidance and it was sad she didn’t have it, or wouldn’t take it.

Teens having babies is a fact of our society today, but what can we do to help them make informed, educated and loving decisions for them and their unborn child? I often find myself wondering what the school does to help them learn about all of the options, or where they go of the school doesn’t have anything to offer? The more I learn about open adoption, the more I learn how little others know.

A lot

I’ve been trying to focus on all aspects of my life lately. Work, the house, relationships, photography, and adoption. For such a long time I feel like I put such a focus on all of the adoption stuff that I really lost a lot of myself. Our lives have surrounded trying to start a family for so many years and I have thrown my heart and soul into it but I feel this unbelievable push. Nothing is going very smoothly, not that it is bad, just not very smooth.

We have had several people contact us, 4 at one time at one point, and so it feels good to know that our information is out there but we aren’t hearing back and it seems like one is a scam. I keep trying to remind myself that good things come to those who wait but how long do we wait? Im tired, and long for “the call”.

As Easter approaches I hope for the best and pray that the next holiday will be our first as parents.