Hope restored

As I sit in her room rocking her to sleep I am soaking it all in and thinking back to all that it took to get there. She has changed our lives so much in the 5 short months that she’s been with us. Tears stream down as I think of all those who are still hoping for this bliss.

There were so many times that I felt my hope start to slip as we went through the process of infertility and adoption. Keeping the hope is such a struggle at times especially when emotions are running high. One moment in particular stands out when we were going through IVF.

We were waiting after the doctor had fertilized the eggs and so hopeful that they would grow. We had already had some hope slip away when we only had 6 eggs to fertilize, and then we got the call that only 2 were growing well and they were going to give it one more day. With that phone call all of my hope was gone. If these two eggs didn’t keep growing we weren’t going to be able to do the implantation.

Looking back today I realize it happened so that I could have this darling girl in my arms today with such an appreciation for her life and the people who chose us to be her parents. So that I could cherish each moment with her and find the thrill in every smile, change and noise she makes.

Today I have hope again. Hope that others can see through their challenges and one day look back with an understanding of the process and an appreciation for where they are.

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3 Years

We are considered the Babies of Infertility because my husband and I are in our 20’s. We got married in 2005 and then 2 years later in January of 2007 decided it was time, we were going to start a family. We were so excited, prepared for it to take awhile since all the books say it might take 12 months or so but we never thought we would find ourselves still struggling to start our family 5 years later.

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of my due date from our first pregnancy. One year after we started trying we were more than excited to learn that we were expecting. 2008 had started out amazingly. Our dream was about to come true, we were going to be parents. With a plus sign our lives had changed drastically. All of a sudden we were cleaning out a bedroom, calling the doctor, changing what we ate and decorating. October 27th, 2008 was going to be an amazing day. It was the most amazing week and a half.

Then just as quickly the dark clouds rolled in. Valentine’s Day marked our loss. We were devastated and didn’t know where to go. It had been a year of let downs and this one took all we had. We felt completely alone. The doctor didn’t want to see me and no one I knew understood. It was horrible.

Today was the first year I have felt at peace. I now know that great things are coming our way as we head toward adoption.]