Momma

After years of waiting and hoping the day finally came, earlier than I expected since she’s only 9 months but on my 30th birthday she said it “momma”. It was shocking and incredible all at the same time. I was filled with emotion. I had dreamt of the day that someone would call ME, Momma and it had finally come.

She is now using it like crazy, usually when she’s upset or needs something but it feels amazing every single time it comes out of her mouth. I so often look back at how I got here and wonder how I got so lucky to become this person who is called Momma and loved by this little being.

She took her first steps last Thursday, says momma, dada, papa, puppy, and hi. It feels incredible to watch her grow.

To those who are still dreaming of the day they too will hear those words – trust in yourself that you can make it through until you become a mother and that one day you will be looking back as all the pain and anger fades and this bright light smiles and says “momma”

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Hope restored

As I sit in her room rocking her to sleep I am soaking it all in and thinking back to all that it took to get there. She has changed our lives so much in the 5 short months that she’s been with us. Tears stream down as I think of all those who are still hoping for this bliss.

There were so many times that I felt my hope start to slip as we went through the process of infertility and adoption. Keeping the hope is such a struggle at times especially when emotions are running high. One moment in particular stands out when we were going through IVF.

We were waiting after the doctor had fertilized the eggs and so hopeful that they would grow. We had already had some hope slip away when we only had 6 eggs to fertilize, and then we got the call that only 2 were growing well and they were going to give it one more day. With that phone call all of my hope was gone. If these two eggs didn’t keep growing we weren’t going to be able to do the implantation.

Looking back today I realize it happened so that I could have this darling girl in my arms today with such an appreciation for her life and the people who chose us to be her parents. So that I could cherish each moment with her and find the thrill in every smile, change and noise she makes.

Today I have hope again. Hope that others can see through their challenges and one day look back with an understanding of the process and an appreciation for where they are.